Sterling Hayden as General Jack D. Ripper in "Dr. Strangelove" - the ultimate lunatic nutjob conspiracy theorist, who claimed that the Soviets were corrupting America through water flouridation, which impacted our "precious bodily fluids"
Since discovering the “blogosphere” via The Huffington Post in November 2005, I have observed innumerable whackjob conspiracy theories foisted there (and later, on DailyKos) by seething leftists, aspiring Nazis and others, primarily relating to the U.S. government’s, Jews' and/or Israel’s culpability in the 9/11 attacks.
At first, I went toe-to-toe with the growing brigade of these nutjobs (they seem to be multiplying exponentially), but soon learned the futility of such an endeavor; they are so stuck in a paranoid, toxic feedback loop that no amount of reason (or apparently, anti-psychotic medications) can bring them out.
But on another level, I began to feel very left out, not having a conspiracy theory of my very own, and thus, having to deal with reality every day. Reality is often boring, mundane and predictable, and lacks the spice and variety that one presumes is part and parcel with harboring a big, elaborate conspiracy theory that only YOU know about!!!
Then, SHAZAM!!!, I concocted my OWN conspiracy theory – which I really think has some potential validity (or “legs,” as they say in the media).
See what YOU think:
We know that Hezbollah’s Butcher-In-Chief, Hassan Nasrallah, doesn’t blow his nose, scream "Allah Akbar!" or take any substantive action without the direct order and blessing of the Iranian madman, Mahmoud Ahmadinejad.
We also know that Hezbollah’s murdering of 8 Israeli soldiers, and the kidnapping of two more, was ordered directly by Ahmedinejad, to distract the world from focusing on the meeting of the G-8 Economic Summit --- and also, from Iran’s last-minute push to develop its first nuclear weapons.
Ahmedinejad’s plan worked perfectly. Almost instantaneously, the world’s media attention was completely refocused away from the G-8’s contemplation of substantial sanctions against Iran, to stop its nuclear development, and was directed squarely at the brewing war between Hezbollah and Israel.
But the war only lasted 34 days, thanks to the innumerable cries for “peace” at any cost, which will only lead to more bloodshed in the near future. We now know, as was suspected by clear-thinkers around the globe, that the primary result of the “peace” deal is nothing more than an opportunity for Hezbollah to rest, get re-armed and re-supplied by Iran and Syria, to prepare for yet another attack on Israel.
So unfortunately for Ahmedinejad, the war just ended prematurely. He still needed more time to focus the world’s attention away from his nuclear weapons development – and his blustering defiance of the UN’s growing resoluteness to stop him. And it’s too soon to tell Hezbollah to resume its jihadist attacks against Israel.
Q) So what is a media-savvy, nuke-pursuing jihadist dictator to do?
A) Create a new distraction for the world’s mainstream media – and fast!!! Ideally, with something that has “legs,” with staying power, and that will so captivate the media that they’ll almost being saying, “Iran? What’s that?”
Ultimately, Ahmedinejad would need something with all the components of an obsession: sex or sexual violence, murder, incompetent civil servants, cover-ups, international intrigue, and more.
So, my conspiracy theory is this: Ahmedinejad struck a deal with John Karr to admit to murdering JonBonet Ramsey.
In exchange for the payment of a king’s ransom, Karr would publicly announce that he is the lowlife cretin that America’s law enforcement community has been seeking for ten years. He would simply pop up out of nowhere, off on the periphery of the public’s awareness, and essentially announce, “Here I am!!! I’m the one!!!”
If my theory is true, Ahmedinejad scored a huge hit.
First, on the morning the story over Karr broke, an eminently more important story was unfolding: the entire structure of UN Resolution 1701, the “peace deal,” was falling apart; Hezbollah was refusing to disarm, and the Lebanon government said that it is not going to disarm it. Also, Hezbollah said it is not going to evacuate southern Lebanon, nor move north of the Litani River.
So what kind of media attention did these disclosures get? Practically none, as I documented on this blog, here and here.
Second, as the MSM obligatorily began round-the-clock, wall-to-wall coverage of the Karr-Ramsey case, they demonstrated that they couldn't care less about the fact that Iran was nearing its most coveted immediate goal: completing construction on its first first operational nuclear facility.
Third, the compliant, Karr-obsessed MSM all but totally ignored the discovery that as it demonstrated in its "war-games," Iran now possesses advanced (radar-guided) submarine-launched missiles, as well as long-range, radar-guided surface-to-surface missiles. I mean, what modern journalist wants to report on that stuff ("BOOOOrrrinnnnnggg") when they can put Karr's mug on every last media vehicle that Americans turn to for information that affects, or may affect their lives, 24/7?
AUGUST 28 UPDATE:
And now, as soon as Karr captured the obsessive attention of the American MSM -- *POOF!!!* --- he is now going away. Turns out it his DNA doesn't match what was found at the Ramsey crime scene. So was all his attempt (or Ahmedinejad's) to get 15 days of infamy (or distraction from the growing jihadist terror menace)?
I wonder how much it cost Ahmedinejad to convince John Mark Karr to confess to a crime he didn't commit, and thus divert the fickle American MSM's attention from what they should have been covering --- $20 million? $50 million? Whatever Uncle Mahmoud paid Karr, it was obviously one of the shewdest investments he ever made --- and paid dividends that even he, in his demented mind, could not have hoped for. As of August 30, there have been an estimated 10 MILLION NEWS ARTICLES on this non-story.
Like they had for the previous ten years, the MSM devoted oceans of ink, hour upon hour, day upon day of video --- all on pure speculation ---- regarding this story, examining it from every possible, demented angle... all to find out, as they did then, that it was all for naught; they were totally wrong.
And the only price Karr will have to pay for this entire charade (assuming he is found guilty of child porn charges in California) is to spend several years in prison, most likely receiving frequent therapy for his constipation problem, courtesy of other inmates. Was it worth $20 million or more? If Karr is half the nutjob that he has positioned himself to be, it may well be (after all - he was considering sex-change surgery in Thailand anyway... WAIT!!! Could THAT be why he needed Ahmedinejad's money so badly??!! I feel another, related conspiracy theory coming on...).
So that's it --- my very first conspiracy theory. But my brain really hurts now... so, I think I'll give this whole conspiracy theory venue back to the lunatic leftist nutjobs... it's way too taxing on a functional, reality-focused brain!!!
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